What's that smell ?

**kidgloves** · 27th November 2005, 01:21 PM

All arcades have sensors that are disguised as motion detectors, but their real purpose is detect a subtle pheremone that is released into the air. This pheremone binds itself to the hair and skin of the customer but is undetectable to our sense of smell and is not removed except through an extremely rigorous washing.
As you enter the arcade the system looks for evidence of this pheremone on you. If it locates said pheremone then you are registered as a regular customer and no further action is taken. If it doesn't detect the pheremone on you then the system deems you a new, or a returning customer who has had a long break and tracks you around the premises, tweaking the gameplay of each machine you try in order to let you win. It does this through a series of boxes attached to the rear of the machines which manipulate the game to give winning combinations and ultimately give you a sense of euphoria. Watch out for these boxes hidden behind the machines, they go under the disguise of a unit called Machine Guard which the staff will tell you is just some anti fraud measure.
The system has one downfall, elderly people give off an unusual pheremone which can completely neutralise the effects of the pheremone used by the system itself and can lead to them being classed as new customers, hence letting them win for minimal outlay.
Some elderly people obtained this information from undisclosed sources very early on and as a result play the system very well. Upon entry to the establisment they reek of piss to fool the sensors but they regularly 'update' themselves whilst sitting at machines, ironically using the very tea that is served them as a weapon against the system. You will often find a very warm seat, even hours after an eldery person has left it.
What can us mere mortals do to play the system ? Well, there are many measures built into the system to be aware of. Do not under any circumstances enter the premises under the influence of alcohol. The system will pick this up and track you with a negative reflex to anything you play.
If you enter said premises with a socially challenging body odour then the unit will disable all machines with high coin acceptors that you approach, forcing you to play Party Time Arenas.
If you are identified as suffering from Halitosis then you will only be allowed to play machines where at least 2 units to the right and left are free, the staff will be instructed to offer you coffee every 3 minutes, and you will win the half hourly raffle where the prize will be a tongue scraper.
Good luck and happy gambling !

**anfield road** · 27th November 2005, 01:37 PM

Is this true? The name Machine Guard rings a bell.

**Illunga Mwepu** · 27th November 2005, 02:52 PM

pmsl

Nice post!

**kidgloves** · 27th November 2005, 03:40 PM

Originally Posted by anfield road

Is this true? The name Machine Guard rings a bell.

**alpha bravo** · 28th November 2005, 12:30 AM

Anfield, as John Mac might say ' U can't be serious'..lol

**Justanewone** · 28th November 2005, 01:23 AM

I know it sounds strange, but I agree with kidgloves, my local arcade - I go in with 10 quid get to 50 then try machines that have either been played whilst I've been doing my own thing or try machines that you think is worth playing, I think the owner of the arcade (watching on camera of course) chooses when you win and lose. Conspiracy theory maybe but I think it true, how many times you go to an arcade, win win win and then one machine screws you!!!