Real Celebrity Poker

[john1981cr]

By Phil Contrino - Contributing Writer

There is this scene midway through Fight Club where the two main characters (or should I say the one main character) discuss which celebrity they would fight if given the opportunity.

Watching the scene, I couldn’t help but think about which celebrities would be interesting to go heads up against at a card table. Granted, thanks to the huge popularity of poker, we’ve seen the likes of Ben Affleck, Norm MacDonald, Tobey McGuire and Jennifer Tilly try to parlay their celebrity status into a successful poker career. Yet there are tons of other celebrities that would make for an interesting presence at a table.

First off, let me say that I wouldn’t go near either Clint Eastwood or Bob Dylan if a deck of cards was involved. Both of these guys hold a God-like status in my eyes, and I’d be too busy pinching myself to actually focus on what I was holding. And forget about getting a read on them; watch Unforgiven or footage of Dylan receiving the Kennedy Center Honor to see how these two define the word stoic.

I’d also avoid annoying celebrities like Carrot Top, Pauly Shore and Kathy Griffin. Listening to Shore talk about his glory days on Encino Man and drunkenly hitting on women would be more than I could handle. I like to enjoy my experience at a poker table.

I wouldn’t mind having a nice home game with the likes of Jack Nicholson, Charlie Sheen, Bill Murray and Al Pacino. Although that would be more about the party after than it would be about the game itself.

Sitting around a table with Martin Scorsese and his regular collaborators like Robert DeNiro and Joe Pesci would also be a good time. Every guy with blood pumping through his veins has at one point imagined what it would be like to live the GoodFellas life. Sitting at a card table with the people behind the movie, with some good spaghetti and some expensive wine, would be the safer alternative.

Opening the concept to celebrities no longer with us makes it even more interesting. Imagine the conversations that would take place at a table with Frank Sinatra, Hunter S. Thompson, Rodney Dangerfield, John Belushi and Jim Morrison.

If I were looking to make money I’d go after someone like director Michael Bay. The guy has already stolen so much cash from the public with crappy summer blockbusters like Armageddon that taking some huge pots from him would be almost cathartic. Woody Allen also wouldn’t be bad to play. I love the man’s films, but he has little self-confidence and is about as pessimistic as they come. It would be easy to talk him out of his game, and even easier to forcefully bet him out of mediocre hands.

It would also be fun to take money from celebrities whose work I just flat out don’t enjoy. Martin Lawrence and Rob Schneider immediately come to mind, and so does the Napoleon Dynamite guy. I’d also love to win a nice, drawn out heads up match against Peter Jackson to make up for all the hours the Lord of the Rings trilogy and King Kong painfully took from my life.

The key to successfully playing celebrities would be to act timid. Make them feel that you’re afraid of them, and then take their money when they start to think they can just push you around. Maybe compliment one of their less well-received movies, and make them feel even better about themselves than they already do. Or in the case of Shore, make a joke about his life and put him on tilt.

[Dice Man]

There is this scene midway through Fight Club where the two main characters (or should I say the one main character) discuss which celebrity they would fight if given the opportunity.

What does that mean? I haven't seen the film. Am I being led to believe that there are two characters who turn out to be the same person?

And Armageddon was a good film in my eyes.

[CitrusSR]

What does that mean? I haven't seen the film. Am I being led to believe that there are two characters who turn out to be the same person?

And Armageddon was a good film in my eyes.

Basically yes. It's a great film, with a twist at the end


Armageddon was a bit poo lets be honest

[Dice Man]

Fight Club is a really bad film in my opinion. People only say they like it because they think it means you have good taste in films if you say you like it. The ending is absolute rubbish. Doesn't he blow his own head off or something, and yet he doesn't die? The stupidest thing is that he gets rid of the other guy by shooting himself. But if he's still alive at the end then why isn't the other guy? It makes no sense and is in all senses shit. Even prior to the end the film isn't very good.

Now Armageddon, it's not exactly my favourite film, but its one of those films that has lots of characters all with different personalities that create good dialogues and drama. The storyline is a bit unrealistic (not as unrealistic as a guy shooting hismelf in the head and living), but it's got a bit of everything in it. Good action, good character interaction, Liv Tyler, Steve Buscemi (one of my favourite actors), and good ol' Bruce Willis. And that good Aerosmith song. it's an all-round good film. I suppose it's a bit stupid when Affleck drives that space truck around the meteorite, and finds the other characters. That bit does suck. At least you get a lot of deaths as well. Usually in these kinds of films all the characters are seen as indispensible and have to have a happy ending.

[POB666]

If i were to play poker with any celebrity it would be a heads up with Gary Neville, just so i could see that frown up close and personal.