We've all had days when the machines have been against us, or we've missed the simple skill stop for JP and ended up chasing it for big loses, but what has been your worst days gambling which didn't involve losing any money?
This post has been triggered by the day I've just had. Travelled to a new city (I'll withhold the name to protect the innocent non-imitation burberry wearing citizens) and wandered into a few pubs.
First pub I walk into has an all fired up which some poor mug is playing. I say mug because, to my utter amazement, he fails to spot that he has the all fired up streak. He carries on playing, gets killed, and walks off.
I walk over to it, put a couple of quid in it and, minutes later, a tartan capped wanker appears at my side to tell me that he wants to play the machine. Apparently he had got a call from the mug punter telling him that this machine was worth playing.
Now, if he had been in the pub watching the machine and waiting for his chance to play it, I would have said "fair play mate" and moved on. If his mug mate had left a credit in the machine, or stood by it, or in ANY way indictated he was holding it for his friend I'd have still let it go. But I've put money in and I've played some credits off, and as far as i'm concerned I've followed the unwritten rules of gambling, so the machine is mine.
I politely told the new guy that I was playing it and I wasn't going to get off it. At which point, like the aliens out of "Aliens" five other chavs detach themselves from the walls and ceiling of the pub and surround me, and make it clear to me that if I don't get off the machine I can look forward to a nice fresh stab wound to the neck. I leave.
After a few non starters I find a good pub with an IJ3. First board play gives me the signs and I decide to go for the streak. Put about thirty quid in and get the £75 streak. Now I hate collecting large amounts of money in one go, so I break it up a bit. I get a couple more boards, take a tenner out at a time and get up and go to the bar to buy another drink, leaving about 40 quid in the bank. A little chinese guy sees me get up, and races over to the machine and puts a quid in it. I go back and tell him I'm still playing it. He shakes his head and says "No, my money, my money", plays his quid off and starts collecting my bank. WTF? I end up in a mini wrestling match with this twat as he grabs at the coins and I twist his fingers back. He gets about a tenner of my coins and then makes a run for it, only to return with a much bigger mate and a fucking pool cue. I think "sod this" and run out of there.
Two hours and a different pub later I'm playing an arcade game next to a vamp it up. It was about 30 quid off full and the pub was busy, so I decided to stick around to see if anyone would play it. Bloke and his missus have put about 120 quid through it and have somehow avoided taking at least 7 jackpots. They were playing so badly I was beginning to think they knew some kind of emptier for it.
Eventually they decide to call it quits. The bloke turns to me and says "You should give it a go, we've lost about 60 quid in this" (Mate, I've been sat right next to you for the past hour and a half, so that face saving lie was a bit wasted on me)
I smile, look bashful and decline, hoping they will wander off and let me gamble in peace. They don't. I spot a guy who looks like a pro enter the pub and head towards us, so I bite the bullet and get on the game. The couple take positions either side of me, giving me advice which I have to ignore whilst pretending not to know what I'm doing. First five quid gives me a £47 VIU. Try to act utterly amazed. Next board gives a £38 VIU. Another 7 quid gets me a TF JP. Feel slightly embarrassed at this point. Another 14 quid gets me a couple of JP steals which I execute whilst reading a copy of The Sunday Times which helps obscure the trick from prying eyes. Bloke asks "how did you do that?" I act wide eyed and say I just hit the buttons and got lucky.
As I empty the bank the woman asks if I might give them a bit of money because they lost so much. I'm feeling generous and offer them a tenner. The bloke laughs and says that they deserve half, not only because I won "their money" but because they helped me win it. That aint gonna happen, so I offer them fifteen quid. They don't take it, so I turn and start to walk out of the pub, at which point the couple, in telepathic thug union, throw their pints of lager on me.
Bartender intervenes at this point and tells me that I'd better leave, like I'm the trouble maker. I smell like a brewery, which means I have zero chance of getting into another pub without attracting all kinds of attention, and have to put up with being treated like a pathetic wino by everyone I walk downwind of or sit near to on the train.
I've had crappy days before, but this one took the fucking biscuit. So, anyone else wanna share their "Winning days from hell"?
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